Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
