the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
