I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
