I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
