She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
