Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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