i'm signing you up for texting rehab
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
