So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I will be naked everywhere
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
