So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
