I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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