Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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