Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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