my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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