What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
