Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
