It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
