I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
