I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
