butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
