my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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