she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
