i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
