i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
