K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
