Having a random hookup so left but love u
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
