so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
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