DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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