Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just invented taco cereal.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
