Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
