holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
