I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
