I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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