I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
