I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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