Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
