I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Let's paint friendship bongs
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
