You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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