You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
