Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
the liver wants what the liver wants
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
