Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
