We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
