Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
