she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The convent might be a nice break from real life
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
