when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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