I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Swine flu. Run for my life!
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
His nipple licking is glorious
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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