**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
How naked do you want me to be?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
