Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
This toilet bowl is my home.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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