I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
