Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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