I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
